


Carry You

by fluffysmut



Series: Buddie Re-writes [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: First Kiss, Getting Together, M/M, Nightmares, buck has a lot of feelings, canon until 3x15, eddie begins, so does Eddie but he's bad with words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:42:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24749311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluffysmut/pseuds/fluffysmut
Summary: “What is it with us two and water?” Eddie says, finally catching his breath.Buck has to laugh at that, Eddie seems to always know what he’s thinking, “Maybe water is our forte,”orEddie Begins but Buck finds him in the water instead.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: Buddie Re-writes [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1792474
Comments: 12
Kudos: 308





	Carry You

**Author's Note:**

> okay listen. We all know how Buck reacted to the tunnel collapse. And how could I just pass an opportunity like that up? Also I apologize to the 9-1-1 writers for kinda stealing a lot of your dialogue. Title is from 'Carry You' by Ruelle and Fleurie, which is the song that plays in the show when Eddie is underwater, and coincidentally the first song that played on shuffle when I started writing this. I hope you enjoy:)

Buck knew something like this would happen. The second he felt no resistance on the rope, and realized Eddie wasn’t coming up, he panicked. What if he couldn’t breathe, what if they had dropped him and he broke something, what if he...Buck didn’t want to go there. But he knew Eddie was smart, and knew he was able to assess a situation well. He knew Eddie wasn’t as reckless as him.

When Chimney emerged with the kid, and said Eddie was fine, a huge weight was lifted off of Buck’s chest. Everything was fine. Eddie was fine. Eddie was going to come up alive, and they would’ve saved another life. Just another day at work, another shift gone by without losing anyone. He smiled at Bobby as he started lowering the rope back down into the tunnel.

And then the explosion happened.

Everyone knew if the rescue took longer than expected - which it did, something like this very well could’ve happened, but when Buck rises from where he was laying on the ground...there’s no tunnel anymore. It’s gone, the whole thing collapsed. Before Buck can stop himself he’s up and running.

“Eddie! Eddie!” Buck falls to the ground, frantically digging at the ground with his bare hands, “Eddie, Eddie! No!” Buck digs through the mud, frantically, this isn’t happening, it can’t. What about Christopher, Buck thinks. Christopher needs him, he can’t lose another parent, Eddie needs to come home to him. Eddie _can’t_ die. Everyone needs him, the firehouse, Christopher, Abuela, and _fuck_ Buck needs him. He almost lost Christopher, he can’t lose Eddie now.

Buck keeps repeating Eddie’s name, his hands still searching the mud for anything, something. Bobby comes over to pull him away, “Come on Buck,” Bobby says, having to physically drag Buck away from where he was digging. Buck goes limp against Bobby, and can’t help the tears that start to come, fully overtaking him. Bobby holds him, and Buck knows he’s being unprofessional, he knows how this looks to Bobby, to the other stations, to the fucking news vans, but he doesn’t care right now. Thinking of everything they could’ve done differently, to prevent this from happening. If Chimney could’ve somehow brought them both up, or they sent two lines down instead of one, just _maybe_ -

“Buck, Buck _look at me_ ,” Bobby says. Buck forces his eyes away from the collapsed tunnel, to look up at his captain, “You need to pull yourself together. I know it’s hard, but we can’t try to find him if you let your emotions get in the way of this. Do you understand?”

Buck knows he’s right. Bobby is always painfully right. He nods and gets up, heading towards the house. Eddie’s okay, he’s going to be fine. Buck is gonna pull himself together and they’re going to find him.

*******

“Cap, we gotta go dig.” Buck says, 100% focused now. A little splash of cold water on his face, and reassurance from Bobby was enough for him to re-focus.

Bobby shook his head, “We don’t have a drill Buck, and even if we could get another one up here the access road is flooded.”

Buck is not giving up on this, “Okay well then we dig by hand.” Chimney looks over at Buck, shooting him down too, “Not with this rain, we could trigger another collapse.” Buck looks over at a firefighter from another station, “How long can he last down there?” It comes out as more of a statement than a question, but Buck will take whatever voice he can manage right now.

He looks between Buck and Bobby, “You’re talking thirty feet of wet earth coming right down on top of him.” Buck can feel Bobby staring at him, and looks around to find the others staring too. Buck knows what this means, he’s seen this look far too many times, and he’s not going to let his mind go in that direction.

“Wait, you all think he’s dead.” Buck says, with more anger than he meant to, but how can they just give up that easily, how can they fight to save so many people, yet give up when it’s one of their own? How -

“Nobody thinks that.” Bobby says quickly, Chimney follows with, “We just don’t know how to get him out.” Buck turns to Hen, “Nobody’s giving up Buck. _Nobody_. We’re gonna find him.” Hen reassures him, and fuck if Hen doesn’t know how Buck feels about Eddie. Buck swallows, trusting their words.

*******

“Okay listen up, Buck here is gonna get some thermal cams, we are going to fan out and do a grid search. Chimney is gonna have oxygen tanks and warming blankets standing by. I wanna start at the well, and go outward in concentric circles.” Buck feels numb at this point. He doesn’t know how he’s going to search without exhausting himself. 

“LAPD copters are on the way. We’ll use their thermal imaging to scan this wider area. Try to pick up Diaz’s heat signature.” Buck is nodding, but he’s not really listening. He needs to be out there, searching for Eddie. He doesn’t understand why everyone is still standing around. Search now, explain the damn logistics of the search later.

Bobby explains everyone’s search areas, and tells Buck his is near the reservoir they saw before. Buck starts running towards his starting point. As he’s running he thinks about everything he’s been wanting to say to Eddie, what he should’ve said, he thinks, because if they don’t find him, he won’t even have the chance. No, he won’t let himself cry again. He needs to find him. He starts searching around his designated circle, calling Eddie’s name, praying for a response. Nothing. Buck picks up the pace, picking up literally every stick, pebble, literally anything that could be hiding a piece of Eddie’s gear, anything.

“Come on Eds.” Buck whispers, looking over a bush to check behind it. He feels himself being drained, every nerve in his body is running cold, a million things going through his mind at once. He feels himself second-guessing where he’s checked, where he’s been. He can’t mess this up this time. He can’t let his dumb feelings for Eddie make him do something stupid. He’s working, he reminds himself. This is just another rescue, another shift.

He’s far from the water, but the splash he hears from where he’s backtracking his steps is so distinct, he can’t miss it. It reminds him of the tsunami, the way he was thrashing in the waves to find Christopher, after the first wave hit. Buck whips his head around to glance over at the reservoir. He doesn’t see anything but waves rippling out in rings from the center.

It couldn’t be, could it? How could he -

Buck sees a head with a helmet on, headlamp still illuminated, pop up above the surface of the dark water. He watches as Eddie throws his helmet in the water, desperately trying to stay above. Buck takes off running towards the water, heart pounding against his chest.

“Eddie! Eddie I’m coming!” Buck is fully sprinting now, flinching when his body comes in contact with the cold water. He’s struggling to swim himself with all his gear on, he can only imagine how Eddie feels. When he reaches Eddie he immediately wraps his arms around him, helping him float in the water while he’s desperately trying to catch his breath.

“You’re okay, I got you. I got you Eddie. It’s okay.” Buck’s voice is barely above a whisper. But he doesn’t think Eddie needs anything louder than that.

“Buck?” He manages to croak out, and starts coughing out water.

“Yeah Eds. It’s me. I got you, okay? You’re doing great.” Buck shifts so he can hold Eddie better, trying to keep them both afloat. He manages to break his radio free. 

“Cap I got him. We’re in the lake. He’s catching his breath, I don’t want to move him yet.” Buck speaks into the radio, waiting for Bobby’s response.

Eddie clings on to Buck tighter, pulling him closer, “Don’t go.”

Buck absolutely breaks at that, “I’m not going anywhere. I’m not gonna leave you. Ever. I promise.”

“Copy that Buck, we’re on our way.” Bobby radios back.

This situation is all too eerily similar to the tsunami and Buck hates it. First thinking he lost Christopher, and now thinking he was gonna lose Eddie. It’s too much. Buck thinks he’s never gonna go near water again.

“What is it with us two and water?” Eddie says, finally catching his breath.

Buck has to laugh at that, Eddie seems to always know what he’s thinking, “Maybe water is our forte,” Eddie chuckles at that.

Buck is still holding him, still as close as before and he thinks about how easy it would be to just - no he can’t. Not the time or the place.

“Think you can make it to the shore?” Buck asks.

Eddie nods, so Buck starts to swim towards the shore, still holding Eddie in his arms. He pulls Eddie out of the water, and on to the shore. Eddie lays his lead on Buck’s lap, exhausted. Buck keeps monitoring him, making sure he’s okay. Eddie reaches out and grabs Buck’s hand, bringing it to his chest.

“I got a big date Friday, can’t miss it.” Eddie says, and Buck remembers the silver star, Christopher’s show and tell.

Buck smiles. He got him. He found him. He’s okay.

That’s how Bobby, Chimney, and Hen find them. Chimney and Hen have a gurney with them and immediately crouch down to check him over. They lift him on to the gurney, speaking amongst themselves about his condition. 

“We’re gonna transport him just in case.” Hen looks at Buck first, and then at Bobby. Bobby nods, glancing at Buck, “You going with him?”

Buck swallows, “Yeah, I-I’ll go.”

He starts following Hen and Chimney, when Bobby puts a hand on his shoulder, “Good work Buck.” Bobby smiles and Buck returns it.

*** * ***

Buck unlocks the door to Eddie’s house, after they were _both_ discharged from the hospital - Eddie had insisted Buck be checked out too - and he leads Eddie inside. It’s late enough where if Buck were awake in any other setting he would be questioning his sanity.

“I called Carla already, told her the call was taking longer than expected, and she said she’d be fine with keeping Chris until tomorrow. I didn’t include the details.” Buck says, one hand on Eddie’s back, one on his arm, supporting him as they walk.

Eddie just nodded, still too exhausted to really speak up. Buck keeps his hands on him, leading them to Eddie’s room. Eddie flops down on the bed, snuggling into his pillow.

“You know Eddie, I could pick Chris up from school tomorrow and watch him if you want. Or I could bring him here and hang out for a while so you can rest. You need it.” Buck says as he sits on the edge of Eddie’s bed. This all seems a little bit too domestic for Buck right now, a little overwhelming even, but he forgets about how much he wants to crawl in bed with Eddie, and maybe stay there forever.

Eddie sits up a little in bed, his tired eyes finding Buck’s. He has an unreadable expression on his face as he whispers out, “You’ve done so much already Buck.” 

Buck chuckles, “I did my job Eddie. You would’ve done the same for me. You know that. Tomorrow I’ll pick Chris up from school, bring him here and all three of us will just hang out. I haven’t hung out with my Diazes in a long time.” 

Buck knows how ‘my’ sounds in this context, but it earns a smile from Eddie, so he’ll consider it okay for now. Eddie nods and reaches up to pat Buck on the shoulder, “That sounds good to me. I’m sure Christopher will be excited to see his Buck,” and _that_. Eddie basically threw Buck’s words back at him, and Buck has to duck his head down to hide the fact that his whole face is lighting up.

But Buck remembers this isn’t his house, and he really shouldn’t be pushing his luck with Eddie tonight, he should quit while he’s ahead.

“I should go.” He says, rising from his spot at the edge of the bed. But when he gets no response from Eddie, he looks over and sees he’s already asleep. Buck smiles softly, pulls the blankets over Eddie, then quietly walks out the door.

*** * ***

“Buck!” Christopher yells when he spots him in front of the school. Buck meets Chris halfway, lifting him into his arms, “Hey buddy. How’s my superhero?” Chris giggles, wrapping his crutches around Buck.

“Where’s dad?” Chris says, looking over Buck’s shoulder, expecting Eddie to be there with him. Buck puts Chris down and crouches down to talk to him at eye level. 

“Uh, your dad is resting. We had a pretty tough call last night.” Buck obviously doesn’t want to tell Chris the whole story, especially since Eddie isn’t that banged up from the accident. 

“Will he be okay for the show and tell tomorrow?” Chris asks, and Buck doesn’t really have an answer for him. He knows Eddie remembers because he said so last night, he just hopes Eddie is still up for it.

“I’m sure he will be, buddy. What do you say we get you home and then we order pizza?” Chris cheers at that, starting off towards Buck’s car. Buck grins and follows Chris.

*** * ***

Buck unlocks the door of Eddie’s house and lets Chris in first, telling him to go play while he orders the pizza. He goes into the kitchen and doesn’t spot Eddie, so he checks the living room, still no Eddie. He walks to his bedroom, and finally sees Eddie, still passed out. Buck chuckles softly and walks up to the side of the bed, watching Eddie as he sleeps. Sure it’s a little creepy, but Buck doesn’t want to wake him yet, and Eddie just looks so _soft_. Buck wants to reach out and touch him, he wants -

Eddie twitches, his eyes scrunching as he turns over, clutching his pillow. He sighs in his sleep, shifting again, restless. And Buck knows this, knows Eddie’s having a nightmare, Buck had his fair share of those after the tsunami. He knows he shouldn’t wake him up, it could make things a lot worse, but then Eddie screams, and Buck just can’t stay put anymore. He reaches out for Eddie, his fingertips running soothingly up and down his arm, trying to slowly wake him up. He shakes Eddie a bit, “Eddie, wake up. It’s me.”

Buck can see tears streaming down Eddie’s face now, still asleep, still moving around. Buck shakes him harder, sitting down on the bed now, “Eds, wake up. You’re having a nightmare. It’s me. Come on, Eddie”

Eddie’s eyes fly open, and Buck’s arms catch him as he sits up quickly. Eddie immediately recognizes him and drops his forehead to Buck’s shoulder, breathing heavily.

“I got you Eddie. It was just a dream. I’m right here. You’re okay. You’re okay. I’m here.” Buck wraps his arms around him, pulling him against his chest. Eddie wraps his arms around Buck too, taking deep breaths, keeping his face buried in Buck’s shoulder. Buck keeps whispering soothing words, rubbing Eddie’s back as he tries to calm down. Buck will stay there as long as Eddie needs him to. He’ll stay there forever if he has to.

When Eddie finally lifts his head, his eyes are red and puffy, there’s tear tracks on his face, god Buck hates seeing Eddie like this. He has to touch, he can’t control himself anymore. Buck reaches up and wipes the tears from under Eddie’s eyes, and that’s when Eddie finally meets his gaze. Buck’s hand stops, still resting on Eddie’s face. He gets lost in Eddie’s sad eyes, he’s not used to seeing them so sad, Eddie is so good at hiding his emotions, putting up a mask that usually only Buck can see through. There wasn’t a mask up this time, though.

“Eddie-” Buck starts, but before he can finish, Eddie’s shaking hands are gripping Buck’s shirt, pulling him in and pressing their lips together. Buck’s eyes flutter closed, the hand used to wipe his tears cupping Eddie’s jaw now, wanting to keep him there forever. Eddie’s grip on Buck’s shirt tightens as he tries to pull him closer. Buck’s head is fuzzy, he can’t think, his brain is mush. All he can think about is how this feels. This is what he’s wanted for so long, imagined for so long, and he’s finally able to feel it.

Buck doesn’t know how long they’re like that, holding each other, only breaking apart for a breath or two, hands trying to pull each other closer. Buck wants to scream, wants to yell out his love for Eddie until Eddie understands that he’s not going anywhere. He’s all in.

Eddie breaks away from Buck, looking into his eyes, a frown on his face. Buck stops breathing. No, it can’t be. Eddie was kissing Buck back, he _started_ it, there’s no way-

“I’m sorry.” Eddie chokes out, looking away from Buck.

“Hey, no, Eddie, it’s okay.” Buck reaches out and grabs Eddie’s hand, like Eddie did to Buck after the accident.

“It’s not okay. I’m. I’m taking advantage of you, Buck. You saved me and-and you offered to pick up Chris, you came to check on me, saved me _again_ and-” Eddie rambles.

Buck grabs both of Eddie’s arms now, “Eddie. Look at me.”

Eddie looks up at Buck, his eyes red, puffy, and tired.

“I wouldn’t have dug through the mud with my bare hands, yelled at Bobby to dig with _his_ bare hands, searched every square inch of that yard for you, or cried in front of the damn news vans if I didn’t feel the same way about you.”

Eddie sighs, “You were just doing your job Buck.”

And now it’s Buck’s turn to be vulnerable, “I thought I lost you Eddie. I thought I had failed another Diaz, I had you on the rope, I _had_ you Eds.” Buck chokes a little on his words, “And then I didn’t, and then the tunnel was gone, and you were gone, and I realized that I never told you that…” Buck inhales sharply, “I never told you that I loved you, Eddie.”

Buck isn’t looking at Eddie anymore, he can’t. His heart is aching. The silence stretches on, and Buck’s thoughts are too loud in his head, so loud that he almost doesn’t hear Eddie whisper, “You’ll never lose me Buck.”  
Buck finally turns to meet Eddie’s eyes, glossy and filled with emotions that Buck can’t quite place. So this time, Buck leans in, connecting his lips with Eddie’s. It’s softer this time, sweeter. Buck cups Eddie’s cheek, “You won’t have to lose me either, not if I can help it.” And finally, _finally_ Eddie smiles, “We have each other’s backs right?”

Buck smiles, all teeth, “Yeah. Anyday.” 

And Eddie chuckles at that, remembering the words he said to Buck that night they were able to actually work together for the first time, the first time they were able to be a _team_. Eddie kisses him again, a quick peck to the lips. 

Buck smiles, “Now if you don’t mind, I promised my other favorite Diaz a pizza. And I can’t disappoint.”

*******

When Eddie stands by Chris’ side at show and tell, he thinks about Afghanistan, the helicopter crash, his time with the 118, the tunnel, Buck. How has he gotten lucky so many times? He didn’t deserve it, he thought. But he thought about how much Buck and Christopher crossed his mind while he was underwater. He was lucky. He had them, his own little family. He never thought he’d be able to love someone the way he loved Shannon, but he realizes his love for Buck was always there. He felt safe with Buck, he knew he could trust him. Not only with Chris, but with himself. He trusts him with his heart, knows he won’t break it like many have done before.

So when Eddie finds himself at Buck’s apartment, knuckles almost shaking when he knocks on the door, he thinks about all those things, his thoughts screaming with the love he has for Buck.

Buck opens the door, smiling fondly when he sees Eddie, “Hey, Eds. I didn’t know you were coming over-”

Eddie strides forward, backing Buck up into his apartment, and kisses him against the wall. Buck’s hands find Eddie’s hips and pulls him in closer, while Eddie's hands come up to Buck’s face. He can feel Buck smiling into the kiss, and that gives him the last bit of courage to finally say, “I love you too, Buck.”

And the way Buck just keeps smiling and leaning in to kiss Eddie again, and again, and _again_ , he knows he’ll be okay.

They’ll be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> kind of a mess at the end you can really sense my sleep deprivation
> 
> you can come yell at me on Tumblr about buddie (or hockey) my user is: nhlfthallsy
> 
> please leave kudos and your thoughts in the comments!!


End file.
